I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Pants are for mortals
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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