Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
