she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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