you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
