Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I am mentally ready for anal.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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