1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
tell me about the fingering
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