conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
