He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
