He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
