I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Randomize