So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
