doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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