Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
