puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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