I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
