in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
