Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
