I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
