true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
