i just wanna soil my oats bro
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
