im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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