Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
