Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize