There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
