So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
