just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Randomize
