i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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