At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
