you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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