Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
