my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
