she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
