So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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