if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
