you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You are the jesus of drinking
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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