My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize