Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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