I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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