I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
