but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
