I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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