found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
