So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
