He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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