At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
