lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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