you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
