I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize