I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
