Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
