Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Randomize
