She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I still have a little drunk in my system
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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