wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I forget how to act sober
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
