I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
