So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
