none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
