if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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