I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
