Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
