Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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