no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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