u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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