I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
