Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
