Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I smell like Dick and happiness
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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