I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
