Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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