You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
