Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
